A few years ago, I found myself in a place where I felt stuck. I’ve always been surrounded by people who have been going to therapy for years, who are therapists themselves, or who love to ask: “Well, have you tried therapy?” I knew therapy probably was a good next step to take in my personal journey, so I sat down and began the seemingly tedious process of finding a therapist.
I can admit now that I went in blind. It turns out a general Google search of “therapists in my area” can deliver overwhelming results. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of options, and land was nowhere in sight. I chose a therapist based on two things: 1.) She was a woman, and 2.) Her website was fantastic. I will spoil the ending for you—it didn’t work out between us. It took me a while to try again, but with time, introspection, and research, I finally found the best way to find a therapist.
It can be tough to step out of your comfort zone into an overwhelming experience. If you find yourself in the same situation, fear not. After plenty of research and discussion with therapists and clients alike, the following five steps can help you find the right therapist.
Step 1: Conduct a self-interview
Checking in with yourself before starting the search is an excellent way to get in touch with your needs. You can start by asking yourself three questions.
1. Why do I want to go to therapy?
Maybe you want help processing a traumatic event or a tough situation. Perhaps you want to go to therapy with your partner to work on your relationship or yourself. Or you may feel ready to unpack some memories from your childhood. Whatever the reason, therapists are specially trained in different therapeutic modalities.
You wouldn’t take a car needing repair to a cobbler; you’d take it to a mechanic. The specialized “mechanics” of the mental health world come in many different forms: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EMFT), EMDR, CBT, DBT, etc. Knowing the “what” can help you narrow down your options. With a little research, you can find what appeals to you!
2. What is important to me?
Think about your therapy preferences. Do you want a specific gender for your clinician? Do you want to attend sessions virtually or in-person? Do you want to meet on the weekends or the weekdays? Evenings, afternoons, or mornings? Knowing your non-negotiables and preferences ahead of time can help you filter results and eliminate options that wouldn’t work for you.
3. Am I ready to do the work?
Therapy is hard work. If you’re unsure you’re ready to put in the work, it could be a good idea to revisit the timing of your therapy. Like all good things, you have to be ready to receive. You could have the best therapist in the world, but it comes down to whether you can show up at the door eager to do your share of the job too.
Don’t let question three intimidate you, however. Even contemplating if it’s time for therapy is a step in the right direction.
Step 2: Research your therapist options
There are many great websites out there that show therapists in your area. Before looking at websites, use resources in your personal life. Recommendations from friends and family area great start. Here are a few easy-to-use websites that have helpful filters to help you narrow down your options.
Therapist directories
- Psychology Today
- Good Therapy
- ZocDoc
- Gottman Referral Network (specific to couples therapy)
You can apply filters to your search for all three of these websites. Some filters include:
- Gender
- Ethnicity
- In-person vs virtual
- Specialites
- Type of therapy
- Insurance coverage
- Age
- Sexuality
- Faith
- Price
While you may be shown an overwhelming amount of results, the right filters can help you narrow down your search results to a highly individualized selection.
Therapist terms and specialties
There are many acronyms and terms that describe professionals in the psychology and therapy world. Knowing what they mean and what you’re looking for can also make the “finding process” a little easier.
- LMFT: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
- LMFT’s use a systemic (relating to the entire body/mind/soul and they look at how the various relationships you’re in have an impact on you, such as family of origin) approach to address mental health issues, focusing on the connections between relationships and their effects on overall wellbeing. You don’t have to have a spouse or partner to see one.
- LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
- LSCW’s are social workers who can provide clinical evaluations. They will look at things from a clinical perspective, often treating mental health disorders, looking into cases of abuse or neglect, using diagnoses and treatment plans.
- LCMHC: Licensed Mental Health Counselor
- A certification from the state that verifies the therapist has been supervised for a set amount of hours and has been working for a minimum of 5 years in the field.
If you really just don’t know where to start, looking for a Marriage and Family Therapist is a good baseline. They are specifically trained to assess a wide range of emotional, mental, and relational factors to best diagnose and treat. Their assessments can be applied to families, couples, and individuals and have a good understanding of when to refer out to specialists. Just be sure to find someone licensed; an associate level therapist is someone working towards full licensure under the supervision of a licensed therapist.
Using your insurance for therapy
If you have and want to use insurance, you can contact your health plan provider and they must provide you with a list of clinicians who accept your specific insurance. This can cut down on having to ask a therapist you’ve found if they accept your insurance. One less step!
Some practices only accept out-of-pocket pay. These practices will almost always provide a superbill, which you can submit to your health plan provider post-session.
Step 3: Reach out
When you find a therapist you’re interested in, it’s time to make first contact. It can be nerve wracking, but rest assured, they’re there to help.
Some therapists have a waitlist and aren’t available to take new clients at the time you make the call or send the email. This can be frustrating, but it’s always a good idea to add yourself to the waitlist. It could open up sooner than you think.
Don’t be afraid to call, email, and call again. Simple human error can lead to a missed communication effort from the client, if you’ve reached out to no reply, try again! It takes a lot to put yourself out there and ask for help, but the right therapist will get back to you.
Step 4: Show up
You did it! You’ve found a therapist and made the appointment. Now what?
First, congratulate yourself for going through the process of searching. It isn’t always easy, but the fact that you have an appointment scheduled is a big deal. Preparing for that first session is really about bringing the right attitude. Before you walk into the building, sit in the parking lot or get ready to turn your camera on for Zoom, you might feel nervous, excited, anxious, or overwhelmed- or a mix of emotions! This is normal. Take a deep breath, and know you’re not alone!
Arrive early as there will probably be an intake form and some formalities for your first session. You can think of this as a first date. Your therapist will probably introduce themselves and ask questions about you. They may ask why you’ve begun this journey and how you feel they can help you. Hint: there are no wrong answers for your reason for being there! Your therapist will help you assess your needs, goals, and hopes for therapy. After the session they will probably check in with you, and then it’s time to check in with yourself!
Step 5: Check in with yourself post-session
After your first session, it’s time for a self check-in. What a momentous achievement it is to have your first session. Here are seven questions to ask yourself to evaluate if the therapist was a good fit and to determine if you should schedule a second session.
- How did the therapist make me feel?
- Do I feel like I can be open and vulnerable with this therapist?
- Was there a level of professionalism in our interactions?
- Did their approach to therapy align with my needs?
- Did they make it clear that this was a team effort?
- Did I feel safe and understood?
- Do I want to go back?
If your answers to these questions were positive, that’s a good sign. If they didn’t feel like the right fit, you can try having one more session with them to see if it was a first-session fluke, but trust your gut. Therapists are not one-size-fits-all.
If it’s not a good fit for you, don’t be afraid to let the therapist know. They appreciate feedback and can sometimes point you in the direction of a therapist they feel will be better for your needs. And now that you know how the process of finding a therapist works, hopefully it’s a little less intimidating than before.
Ready to find the right therapist for you?
The journey to find the right therapist fit for you can be daunting, and even discouraging. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, and the very fact that you want to start therapy should be recognized and celebrated.
If you’re interested in individual therapy, we have availability for in-person sessions at our Charlotte, NC office or virtually for residents of NC and SC.