Starting therapy is a brave step toward healing. But your journey doesn’t stop after you’ve found your therapist and had your first session. Just like any important relationship, therapy should feel safe, supportive, and growth-oriented.
And whether you’ve been with your therapist for a few sessions or even a few years, it’s completely normal to wonder, “Is this therapist right for me right now?” Here’s how to thoughtfully determine if your therapist is helping you move forward.
One size does not fit all – is your therapist a good fit for you?
Therapists come with a wide range of specialities and therapeutic styles. Like any relationship, there will be some people you click with, and others you just don’t. The beautiful thing about the mental health world is that there is a professional for everyone, and one size certainly doesn’t fit all. This can feel frustrating, but it’s important to hang in there and not give up.
Finding the right therapist often requires trial and error. You deserve someone whose approach aligns with your needs, and it’s okay to reassess along the way. At the very minimum, you should feel respected, listened to, and safe with your therapist. These are great building blocks for a therapeutic relationship that supports your growth, helps you overcome challenges, and improves your quality of life.
Your 3-question therapist evaluation guide
1. How do you feel during therapy sessions?
You can start by asking yourself how you feel during your sessions. Your first sign of feeling good, or not, about your therapeutic relationship is going to come from inside. Maybe you leave that first session feeling hopeful about the future and excited about your next meeting. Perhaps you leave with a sour taste in your mouth—judged or unsafe.
Your first clue as to how you feel about your therapist is going to be the little voice in your head. Make sure you listen to it!
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel heard and respected?
- Am I comfortable being vulnerable, or do I hold back?
- Is the environment (virtual or in-person) one where I feel grounded and safe?
- Do I leave each session feeling more clear or more confused?
The therapy room (virtual or in-person) should feel like a space where you can be your authentic self, even if it’s messy or complicated.
💡Discomfort is normal when confronting tough emotions. But consistent emotional unsafety or dismissal is different—and deserves your attention.
2. Are you growing and learning?
Therapy is certainly not linear. Growth can be slow, especially if you’re unpacking deep wounds. But if you’ve been in therapy consistently for a few months and don’t feel any meaningful progress, it’s worth re-evaluating.
Ask yourself the following:
- Am I working towards a tangible goal? Is there an established treatment plan?
- Do sessions feel purposeful or repetitive? Do I talk about the same material every week?
- Can I identify even one area where I’ve grown?
- Does my therapist challenge me respectfully?
Therapy with a goal of growth should be more than a weekly emotional outpour. Some sessions will be venting spaces. That’s part of the process.
💡If every session is only an emotional download without movement, it might be time to talk about it.
3. Are you honest with your therapist?
While it may feel like your therapist is an emotional genius, part of that genius comes from the ongoing process of education, experience, and professional development. Your therapist should be open to receiving feedback and hearing if you feel stuck in your sessions. They should be willing to try a different approach if needed. Therapists are human—and your feedback matters.
Try saying:
- I feel a little stuck about my progress. Can we revisit my goals?
- I’m not sure this approach is working for me—could we try something different?
- I notice I hold back sometimes. Can we explore that?
- I want to be honest with you that I feel like this process isn’t working for me; can we explore that together?
💡It’s a great sign if your therapist welcomes honest and open conversations. If they dismiss your concerns or avoid adapting, that may signal a misalignment.
In therapy, self-advocacy is key
After evaluating if this therapist is working for you, the next step is to advocate for the piece you want to change! Whether it be a new treatment angle or assessing whether you want to try a new therapist, you must advocate for yourself.
Above all, your needs matter. If something doesn’t feel right, advocate for change—shifting your treatment focus or exploring a new therapist altogether.
When is it time to change course?
Most people who go to therapy don’t see immediate results. There is no “quick fix” when it comes to working on yourself; that’s why it’s called work! While you shouldn’t expect to feel transformed overnight, you should feel like progress is possible.
Remember, if you’re feeling stuck, lost, or unsupported, reevaluating your path isn’t a failure. It’s an act of deep self-respect. Whether that means having a conversation with your current therapist, adjusting your goals, or even deciding to find a new therapist, you are allowed to make changes that support your growth.
You deserve to feel supported, challenged, and respected as you navigate it. Trust yourself, listen to your instincts, and don’t be afraid to take the steps that bring you closer to healing. If you’re currently seeking a new therapist, we have availability for in-person sessions at our Charlotte, NC office or virtually for residents of NC and SC.